


Revelations

by estel_willow



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Relationship, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-09
Updated: 2010-06-09
Packaged: 2017-10-10 00:26:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/93253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estel_willow/pseuds/estel_willow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris never really understood the way some other people looked at Adam. Not really. Until now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the aianonlovefest kinkmeme 5, using the prompt _ Kris to see homophobia (of whatever sort, doesn't have to be extreme) against Adam, because maybe he didn't get it before; what it's like to be hated by some people. So it's an eye opener for Kris and he comforts Adam. _ It can be found [here](http://community.livejournal.com/aianonlovefest/4818.html?thread=4521682#t4521682) in its original format :)

"People like that can't love." It was coming out of the television screen, the woman's voice high-pitched, tinny and nasally as she sat, covering one half of the screen with her upturned nose, straw-like hair and square glasses perched on the end of her nose. She looked like there was a bad smell underneath her nose. "People like that don't have any idea of what love is. It's all casual and meaningless. They like to pretend they can love to make themselves seem more normal, but all it is is an abomination."

She was being interviewed for some news program. Kris frowned and walked further into the room. On the TV he could see the woman and on the other half of the screen was picture of Adam, more specifically, one of those pictures that had been leaked when Adam was on American Idol of him and Brad kissing, clearly in love and both dressed up like prized peacocks. She looked disgusted (that could just have been her face, Kris wasn't entirely sure).

On the couch, all Kris could see from where he was standing was Adam's hair. It was still standing up, the hair-gel from his performance that afternoon still stubbornly clinging to his hair and trying to bend the dark strands to its will. When he moved closer, he could see Adam's hand fisted in the leg of his sweatpants, knuckles white and tension running up his arm, twisting along his shoulders. His jaw was clenched.

"People like Adam Lambert," the woman was continuing blithely, like she didn't know just how much she was hurting the man she was slandering (or, Kris thought, worse, she knew exactly how she was hurting Adam and carried on anyway), "are what's wrong with this country. We're losing the war because of people like him. People that do... that," and she looked positively sickened, "to each other don't deserve to live."

"It's just one woman's opinion," Kris said, breaking the silence that was in the room. It wasn't right, his home was never silent, ever since Katy and he had split up, there had always been something going on in Kris' house, be it making music on his own, or with Adam, having Adam come over for dinner and movies. There was always something, never this awkward, strained silence. Adam looked like he was in pain but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

When he spoke, his voice was quiet, weak. "It's- it's not just her though, is it. A lot of people thought that. You-"

Kris lifted an eyebrow. "I what?"

"You don't understand, Kris," he said finally, dropping his eyes away from the television.

_"Men like that are sick, they need our help and our compassion so that they can change and become better again. They don't have the same rights as we do right now because they don't deserve them, but when they embrace the natural order of things then they'll be much happier."_

"It's not just hearing it on the news, it's listening to it on the radio, it's seeing it in papers and on the internet. It's hearing my mom or my dad trying to hide the fact that they had another comment about their 'fag son'. It's Neil teasing me about never being able to settle down and have that white-picket fence kind of thing."

Kris sighed again and came to sit beside Adam on the couch. He reached out and curled his fingers around Adam's fisted hand. He rubbed his thumb over the inside of Adam's wrist and just tightened his hold when Adam tried to flinch away.

_"It's like a disease, they infect our young. They twist and warp their minds into thinking that this kind of sodomy is okay. It's not okay. It's not okay and they shouldn't be allowed to make it look like it's normal. It's not. It's not normal in any sense of the word. It's because of people like Adam Lambert that we have more fag- gay and queer teens than ever before. They're vulnerable, malleable and they are being manipulated by perverts like him."_

"It's that no matter what I do or who I'm with, it's always gonna be harder because I'm not normal. Always gonna want something I can't have." It was punctuated with a slightly hysterical and tearful laugh and Kris felt something inside his chest tug painfully. Adam's expression was far away, like he was thinking back on something that had happened to him in the past, things he'd heard growing up, things he'd been told over and over again, so ingrained into his mind that he constantly had to fight past them to be who he was and to be proud of who he was.

Kris saw, for the first time, just how much of a struggle that was for him. How hard he had to fight to keep himself afloat. He'd often thought of Adam like a swan, graceful and beautiful, but now he knew the metaphor was even more accurate: Adam was beautiful and calm on the outside, confident and proud but underneath the surface he was kicking wildly and crazily to keep himself afloat, to keep that front up.

_"And teaching our kids in schools about same sex couples and parenting? It's wrong! It's encouraging them to take up that kind of alternative lifestyle. I wouldn't be surprised if those teachers weren't queer themselves. Perverts and pedophiles, the lot of them. The gays want to recruit. Homosexuality is deviant behaviour. It always has been and it always will be. And now we're letting it influence our children even more obviously? This man, prancing around on the stage gyrating against his microphone stand and singing songs about men... It's not on. It's not acceptable. His record label should drop him and he should be arrested for public indecency."_

"It's never gonna be okay for me to walk down the street holding someone's hand, or kissing them in public." Adam said softly. The pain in his tone made Kris want to hug him. Instead, he just slid his hand up and down Adam's arm gently, from the curve of his wrist to the crook of his elbow and back again, tracing the freckles with his fingertips and the wide callouses on his palm. Adam watched his hand for a few long moments, swallowing thickly. He did that a lot around Kris, coupled with looking away quickly like he was afraid he'd been caught out doing something he shouldn't be.

Kris never called him on it. Sometimes he thought he should.

"But you do anyway," Kris offered, trying to be helpful. He leaned forward and kissed Adam's shoulder. Adam tilted his head slightly so that there was contact before he just lifted it again and looked back at the TV.

"I do. But there's only so many times you can say fuck you to the world. I'm not closeted, I haven't been for years. I don't ever want to be again. I hate that I feel like I should be. My life's- it's hectic, it's not fair on me or a potential lover, let alone a potential partner. I don't wanna be alone."

"You won't be," Kris promised softly, punctuated with another kiss to Adam's shoulder. "You'll always have me."

Adam bit out a short laugh. It sounded a little bitter. Kris wondered if that was because Adam thought Kris would leave him when he found a new girlfriend. Adam didn't realise that Kris didn't want a new girlfriend, and that he would never leave Adam. Never.

_"We should not be promoting this kind of disgusting lifestyle to our children. Abbhorrent behaviour will not be tolerated. Everyone will come to judgement one day and believe you me, if we don't save our children from the Adam Lamberts of the world, then who will? And we will be the ones paying when our children are suffering in perdition for the sins of a liberal family and a liberal government and a liberal world."_

Kris clicked the TV off. Adam's other hand had been gripping the remote too tightly beforehand for him to reach it. His arm slid around Adam's shoulders and he pulled his best friend against him. Adam went willingly, hiding his face in the crook of Kris' neck and Kris could feel his uneven breaths against his neck, feel the butterfly kisses against his jaw every time Adam blinked. He swallowed, hand carding through Adam's hair.

"You know she's wrong." And he felt angry, indignant and horrified that someone would use his religion, his God, to show such hatred. It made him hurt that Adam had suffered through such stupidity and indignities throughout his life from people claiming to preach the Word of the Lord. It wasn't his God that they were talking about, he didn't know who that God was, but he certainly didn't want anything to do with Him. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met. I love that you're always you, that you never compromise."

He kissed the top of Adam's head, let his hand move down Adam's back. He could feel the ridges of the other man's spine. His fingers moved like he was playing the piano down the length of Adam's back. "You're definitely the most talented person I know. There's no doubt about that, you're one of the most talented singers out there at the moment and-"

"And?" Adam asked, curious more than hunting for compliments. He had tipped his head up to look at Kris, and somehow Kris' brain had thought it was a good idea to cup Adam's face, brush his thumb over Adam's cheekbone. He wet his lower lip, and Adam mimicked his motion.

"You're gorgeous. One day, when you're- uh- when you're ready," Kris said, hating that his words were fumbling a little and he knew he was flushing and he needed to stop looking at Adam's lower lip, "- when you're ready you're gonna make some guy really happy. Like- so happy he'll wake up every morning wondering how his life went so right. And y'know, how just being around you makes his day brighter and how it makes him happier to know that you're- that you're his and he's yours. And it'll be right and beautiful and forever because that's what you are, and that's what you deserve."

Before he even knew what he was doing, he leaned down and pressed the tiniest of kisses to Adam's mouth. It was innocent and chaste, but it was incredible and when Kris pulled away, Adam hadn't opened his eyes. Kris wondered if Adam was cataloguing that taste and feeling to memory. Kris certainly was.

They didn't say anything, though, Kris just let Adam settle against him again and resumed stroking a hand through his hair. Adam just smiled softly and nestled against Kris, ignoring the weird way that it felt considering he was so much bigger than Kris was. But Kris had been spot on: it was right, and beautiful and forever.

They just hadn't got there yet.


End file.
